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How to Emotionally Handle Debt in the UK: Regaining Control of Your Mental Wellbeing
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Over the years, we've seen many heartbreaking situations caused by the emotional toll of debt. People have broken down crying during conversations with us. Many are too scared to answer calls or open the door. We've also unfortunately witnessed relationships and families torn apart by debt stress, with some feeling that suicide is their only escape. The mental and emotional effects of debt can be truly devastating.
The scale of this crisis is enormous. Debt doesn’t just affect your bank balance; it can significantly influence how you feel, think, and manage daily life. Research indicates that people with problem debt are more than twice as likely to encounter mental health issues. In the UK, 16% of people behind on household bills report that their mental health is “not good at all,” compared to only 6% of those who are not behind. With over 9 million UK adults reported to be struggling to repay what they owe, this is a serious problem, and you are definitely not alone.
Not in the mood to read? We got you covered. Listen to the rest with the YouTube link at the bottom of the page.
Where's the Support for People Struggling with Debt?
There isn't enough support or clear information about debt. This can result in weeks, months, or even years of worries, causing strain on a person's mental health. The statistics paint a concerning picture: around one third of UK adults (17.7 million people) experience daily anxiety about their finances. If you’re behind on bills, it’s even tougher: 38% reported some degree of poor mental health, compared to 24% of those not behind on any bills.
Feeling in control of your emotions is crucial to taking control of your debt. We're going to share some powerful information with you. After reading this article, we want you to feel emotionally empowered and prepared to take on your debt.
Now, we'll explore how creditors use emotions to influence your decision to pay your debt, and we'll explain how this mechanism works, so you realise why you shouldn't let debt impact you so deeply.
Why Am I So Afraid of Debt? Understanding the Psychology
Creditors and debt collectors are experts at exploiting your emotions. They understand exactly what to say and do to compel you to pay. To regain control over your debt and overcome fear, it's essential to recognise how they influence you emotionally and the reasons behind their tactics. We'll begin by exploring the basics of human nature.
The Emotional Manipulation Behind Debt Collection
We all experience emotions. If you can tap into someone's emotions, you can influence them to do almost anything you wish. For example, consider a toy manufacturer selling a toy. It appears harmless, doesn’t it?
Well, let's see...
Manufacturers exploit young children's emotions to sell toys, often aided by TV advertisements. The child has no money to buy the toy but desires it. They emotionally influence their parents to purchase it. As a parent, seeing your child happy brings you joy, and seeing them sad causes you sadness. The parent then buys the toy to make their child happy.
The toy manufacturer exploited the child's emotions to influence the parents' feelings and persuade them to spend.
Let's apply that understanding to the world of debt...
What Tactics Do Debt Collectors and Creditors Use to Control You?
Creditors leverage their understanding of your emotions, especially fear, to influence you through all available communication channels. When you take out any form of borrowing, whether a loan, credit card, or similar, the creditor will gather as many contact details from you as possible, including any phone numbers and email addresses you have. Why?
They aim to have multiple ways to reach you if you miss a payment. They recognise which methods may prompt a response, but these can vary from person to person. When they mix different tactics, they improve their chances of getting payment from you.
Research indicates that the modern debt collection approach has shifted to what experts call "empathetic engagement," yet the core aim remains consistent: ensuring payments are made. The Financial Conduct Authority found that just 36% of UK consumers believe financial firms are honest, reflecting significant mistrust in these interactions.
Based on that knowledge, let's examine the two primary communication channels creditors use and how they might leverage your emotions to prompt the action they desire: payment.
1. Can Debt Collectors Use Scare Tactics in Letters?
Fear is a powerful emotion that often influences how people behave. Debt collectors and creditors often use language in their debt recovery letters that seems designed to tap into this feeling, making the messages more compelling.
Here are a few phrases you might have encountered before:
"Your home may be at risk if you do not keep up with your mortgage payments."
"Failure to contact us may lead to legal action."
"Your debt is being considered for legal action, which may put your home at risk."
Decoding the Language of Debt Collection Letters
Many people are unaware that creditors and debt collectors must not use misleading language when writing to you.
In the UK, their communications must be clear, fair, and not misleading, which means they should not present an outcome as guaranteed (for example, court action, enforcement, or bailiffs) if it is not certain or not fully within their control.
That’s why you’ll often see phrases like “may”, “could”, or “we might” instead of “will”.
Importantly, “may” does not mean “will”; it means something is possible, not guaranteed. That difference matters because wording is often used to apply pressure, even when an outcome is far from certain.
Next, the focus is on the words surrounding "may."
"Failure to contact us may lead to legal action".
If you're facing financial difficulties, seeing the phrase "legal action" can be quite alarming. It might cause panic and the worry that court proceedings are imminent, but that’s not always the case. Legal action is usually a last resort because it can be expensive and time-consuming. Usually, there’s a series of steps that happen first, and these processes can take some time and effort before any legal action is considered.
Recognising Pressure Phrases in Debt Letters
A key point to watch out for is phrases like these:
"Please call us to prevent this from happening."
"Call now to prevent this from happening."
"Call one of our team today so we can discuss options."
These show that the letter is designed to prompt you to act.
Always take your time to read any letters slowly and carefully, reviewing them multiple times. Put it aside and revisit later if needed. Make sure you understand what you're reading instead of making assumptions. Usually, you'll discover that it's not as bad as you first thought.
The Real Debt Guy
2. What If a Debt Collector Calls You? Understanding Phone Tactics
While letters might seem enough to encourage payment, phone calls tend to be much more effective because they tap into emotions. We'll explain how creditors and debt collectors use this to their advantage, and our goal is to help you stay emotionally unaffected by these calls moving forward.
How Anxiety and Fear Are Weaponised During Phone Calls
Anxiety and fear are two emotions that are really closely connected. They often go hand in hand. When someone feels anxious about something, it usually comes from a fear of it happening. For example, if you're anxious about a test result, it's often because you're worried about what that result might be. Guess what? Creditors and debt collectors are quite skilled at tapping into these feelings during phone calls.
This is why you receive calls as early as possible on your landline or during the weekend. It's also why calls come through to your work phone when it is inconvenient for you to answer. Additionally, you receive calls on your mobile at permitted times of the day and night. You might not want your partner to find out what's going on, so you have to make excuses for ignoring calls (read our article Coping with Financial Stress: Breaking the Silence on Money Worries in the UK). This adds another layer of stress and discomfort.
The Real Impact of Debt Collection Tactics on Mental Health
The intention is to make you feel uncomfortable, anxious, or fearful. They want you to feel anxious whenever your phone rings or you receive a text, fearing that someone else may accidentally pick up your phone at work and not you.
The main aim of these tactics is to secure a payment. However, it is often overlooked, either intentionally or unintentionally, that not everyone can handle this emotional strain. These approaches can deeply affect lives, impacting not only the individuals involved but also their loved ones.
The evidence supports this: research tracking 10,000 people in the UK between 1991 and 2008 found that people facing tough debt problems experience stress and anxiety that spills over into other areas of their lives, with many describing feelings of being unable to concentrate on day-to-day activities or make normal decisions. Among people with mortgage arrears, one in five suffers a recognised medical impact in the form of depression, severe anxiety and related mental health effects.
So, how can you use this information to regain control of your emotions?
How Do I Get Out of My Debt Mindset? Practical Steps to Emotional Freedom
Understanding how creditors and debt collectors exploit your emotions is useful, but what if it's already affecting you? If you're losing sleep, panicking with worry, or unable to eat because of anxiety or fear, it's time to shift your mindset.
Contact Is a Good Thing: Reframing Your Perspective
If a creditor or debt collector is sending you letter after letter and calling regularly, it can feel pretty overwhelming. Try to see it from a different perspective.
Often, this kind of contact simply means your account is still being handled through regular collections procedures, usually with generic, system-generated letters sent out to thousands of people. If they plan to take more serious action (such as instructing solicitors or starting court proceedings), that is usually communicated more clearly and specifically, rather than buried in repeated generic letters.
Even though the contact might feel stressful, it can actually be an encouraging sign that there's still time to take charge, respond thoughtfully, and set up an affordable plan.
When you receive regular communication, it means the creditor is still actively working with you. This is actually better than silence, which could suggest they've escalated the matter to more serious action.
Limit Your Contact Information: Taking Back Control
To protect yourself, be more careful about the details you willingly share. If you find phone calls hard to manage, we have a tip that might help.
Quick tip:
When you receive a call, ask the caller to communicate with you in writing rather than go through their security questions. Also, request that they remove your phone number from their records. They cannot discuss your debt with you unless you answer their security questions correctly.
The main strategy is to restrict their communication channels to written form, helping you feel more in control. This gives you time to read, understand, and respond calmly instead of emotionally.
Remember to read The Real Debt Guy's final thoughts below!
