How to be happy

Let’s introduce Anthony...

Anthony is a person who sees money for what it truly is, a gateway to things he needs and wants, nothing more than that!

Some people spend their whole life trying to acquire as much money as possible without knowing what they need or want the money for. Not Anthony, Anthony is smart! He doesn’t do that. He doesn't have a desire to be rich at all. As long as he can provide his family with whatever they need, he’s fine.

People regularly say things like “Give me a million and I’ll be happy”. Anthony is a realist and doesn’t know if this it applies to him as he has never had £1,000,000, so, he couldn't say for sure if that would make him happy.

In Anthony’s world going out for a meal with friends, having good conversations, good humour and spending time with his wife and daughter makes him happy. He feels that happiness is fleeting, and that it’s not supposed to be permanent.

So, to answer the question “Can you live a life of happiness?” Our opinion is no. We aren’t supposed to have a life of happiness. Just like Anthony said, happiness is fleeting, it’s temporary. Life is about moments. Feelings of happiness make up some of those moments, but not all. If you’re not a realist like Anthony, it might make you feel sad to hear that there is no such thing as a life of happiness. Remember this feeling as we will discuss this later.

What makes you happy today may not make you happy tomorrow. Remember you were once a child who was at your happiest when you had your favourite toy, watching your favourite cartoon, or running around with your friend. That feeling of happiness has long since worn off. Can you confidently say that you can’t wait to finish work so you can get home and play with that same toy? To watch the same cartoon? To run around with those same friends? You may have moved onto clothes, jewellery, different friends...

Running around with your friends has evolved into having a meal with your friends and those cartoons have become movies. The point here is that what made you happy before was then and this is now. Today you’re happy with how you look, tomorrow you may not be. This is why you will find so many people change so many things about themselves, such as hair colour or have surgery to look different in a bid to ‘be happy’. It could make them feel happier, but seriously, how long will that last? How many different hairstyles do people have in their life? That’s just one example.

Understanding that happiness is fleeting can be key to maintaining a good relationship with your partner. How many times have you heard someone say “but they seemed so happy” when a couple just break up for no big reason? They probably were for some time, but what makes you happy can change overnight. A woman might be happy with a guy who just jokes around, then she could have a child with him and become unhappy because he is not serious enough. A man might be happy with a woman who loves to party when he’s young, then when he gets older, feels happier with a homebody. If one side of the couple cannot see the changes that make the other side happy, problems can arise.

We mentioned earlier that the mere thought of a life of happiness not being possible may make you unhappy. If that’s the case we’re going to help you feel different. The truth is, a feeling only becomes a problem if you fail to accept it and let it run its course.

Let's explore this a little more....

You see, human beings have difficulty with acceptance. We always think there is a solution to everything. There is a sky, birds fly, why can’t we? So, we build a plane.

As you get older your body, for example, starts changing. We find ways to stop that from happening. We cannot even accept death which is why we have things like life support machines. Anything we don’t like we try to find a solution to avoid it.

It’s the same with emotions. Any feelings that we don’t like we do all we can to avoid. People make statements like " I never want to get into a relationship again so I don't get hurt" as they did in a previous relationship. Not getting into a relationship is believed to be the solution to not getting hurt again. Of course, it isn’t, if it was, practically everyone on this planet would be single!

The issue is that the person doesn’t know how to process the pain of a breakup properly and finds it difficult to accept the feeling for what it is; allowing it to run its course and come through the other side. Let's see how this plays out in 'the breakup'...

Jermaine and Michelle break up. They stop speaking as the relationship ended badly. They were together a long time so even though they are no longer in a relationship they can’t help but wonder what one another is up to. In this day and age, social media is your best friend when you want to be nosey. Michelle’s friends tell her that she shouldn’t check Jermaine’s social media profiles as it might upset her. Instead, she should come out with them so she can “mingle” and forget about him.

Although Michelle’s friends mean well, they are not allowing her to go through what she needs to process her feelings, deal with them and allow them to pass. Instead, they are trying to make her avoid these feelings. The upset, the hurt, the anger. These feelings, just like happiness, are fleeting. They are not designed to last forever, they are not to be avoided. It’s important to understand that feelings of sadness are no different to feelings of happiness. Happiness is a feeling too and is temporary.