Handling financial stress - Learning to speak about financial difficulties

For those struggling financially, one of the hardest things to do is to admit that they are in trouble. We totally get it, it can be hard enough to admit it to yourself, let alone to someone else. However, it is so important that you do not suffer in silence.

If you don't think your own feelings are reason enough to share, there is another reason - your loved ones! You may think it doesn’t affect the people closest to you, and so there’s no need to tell them (right!?), but it’s almost certain that there will be noticeable changes in your behaviour -leaving loved ones wondering.

To start with you must always remember you are not the only one and social media is not real life!

Anyone who is in debt will tell you that one of the first emotions they have to overcome is the feeling of embarrassment. Society has done a great job to assist with this! For some, being in debt makes them feel they have lost control; others feel they have failed – the list goes on. Trust us we know; we’ve seen this on more occasions than we care to mention. Feeling vulnerable and isolated, those struggling with debt can begin to feel that they are the only one on the planet in this situation, they are completely alone.

To add salt to the wound, a quick scroll through Instagram or Facebook shows image upon image of happy people spending money, jetting off on luxury holidays, eating out at expensive restaurants, buying the latest luxury kitchen equipment or the must-have bouncer for the baby. It can make you feel like everyone else has it all together – everyone but you!

Think about it, who actually posts pictures of mounting bills or a bank account balance of zero? We can tell you that what you see on social media can be very deceiving, in fact there is now an industry being made out of fake private jet sets for social media posts! These people may be feeling exactly what you’re feeling or worse, they too may feel alone.

The fact is you, or they, don’t need to feel this way. Teach yourself to not compare your life to social media profiles, social media has been proven to make people feel worse about themselves. Even the people you may think are having a ball.

Pick a loved one you trust to open-up to about your situation as early as you can

Whoever came up with the age old saying ‘a problem shared is a problem halved’ wasn’t wrong. Simply sharing your situation with someone close to you that you can trust will take a weight off your mind. Sadly, a lot of people make the mistake of underestimating the people around them, their partner, their friends, their family; assuming they can’t handle it, can’t help, or worse, will judge them!

When they pluck up the courage to share their problem, the responses are usually similar to this, "Why would you not talk to me about this earlier?" "Why would you just suffer in silence?".

You see, people who are close to you care about you (that's why they are close to you in the first place). They care if you are suffering and would want to do all they can to stop you feeling this way. When they find out, they are usually more upset that you didn't feel you could talk to them about something that is bothering you so much.

Pride comes before a fall – leave your ego behind to avoid it. We know, Its easier said than done but you must shake-off your ego and face reality.,

Putting your ego first prevents a lot of people admitting to someone close to them (like their partner) that they need help. This is especially prominent when the other person seems to have their finances in order and your situation does not measure up to theirs, but remember, if your loved one doesn’t know what’s going on they cannot help or support you. Trust and honesty are very important ingredients in a healthy relationship.

We really encourage you to open-up to your partner, the vast majority of partners in a relationship will show you why you are in a relationship with them to begin with. Showing you care, concern and understanding. A home truth here (we keep it real at TRDG) is that unwillingness to open up about your situation may manifest in other ways and cause strain in your relationship.

Act early. Don’t let your situation dwindle to the point that sharing your situation is an unbearable thought.

Some people find it difficult to admit they can't afford something to their partner or in other cases they will spend excessively to impress their partner, even if they cannot afford to do so.

They make assumptions that are not necessarily correct, assuming that excessive spending is important to their partner. To keep up the charade, they allow the situation to get worse until the financial difficulty conversation becomes unavoidable. When their partner discovers the sheer extent of their debt, it can be enough to seriously affect the relationship. Not always because of the debt, but because the person has been masquerading as someone who is financially sound whilst the reality is the opposite.

This can open up other areas of the relationship for question – was everything a lie?